Broken Promises Made Broken Hearts

Staring back at me

The mirror hidden right at the corner

Stealing glances at an image of me that seems so familiar yet so different

Only her tears are slightly covered in a hint of red

I remember that girl every time the pain feels overpowering

I recall her eyes so full of passion,love, pain

So full of loss, the loss that she did not even think of finding a cure to

So aggravating yet so beautiful she couldn’t let go

Eyes that always reminded me of the blood moon

Lost on cold floors wailing to a God she couldn’t feel in the depths of her darkness

A darkness brought along by the light she made herself believe would encompass her from all her fears

A love that would let her spread her wings so freely in the sunsets and sunrises

A song that she would so gracefully be swept by in the cold rainy nights with her bare feet soaking in all it’s glory
But it was on her death bed years later that she wondered what had become of the light

Was it all a made up fantasy to hide away the scars of the scorching sun upon her skin

Or was it to cover up the cold that made it a lot more harder for her to breath

Or was it to soak up all that the rain was, to keep from noticing the tears that mixed up in it

And as life seemed longer it seemed a whole lot shorter

Trapped in the musings of how magical love could be and the reality of all the pain it brought forth

Yet there she lay wondering why her moon blood eyes seemed a little less darker everytime she listened to the wind whisper of promises it never intended to stack up on.

Pain Birthed in Throats

Lord I’ve been drowning

My souls been watching my body walk on in fatigue

My heart’s been hiding away from a love I starved for,for years,

My body’s been in silence with my mind

They seem to say nothing but walk and watch with far off stares into the distance
Lord I’ve been mourning for losses I can’t be particular about

I dissapeared yet I’m still visible

Walking within shadows with the light right above me
Lord I’ve been thirsty

Been craving a life beyond this life

A life beyond death

Been yearning for a hand not destined in mine
Lord I’ve been giving forth

Conceiving of twice the joys of a love

A love that bore me into these abyss
Lord I need silence like I need an end to this life

Lord I need strength like I need heaven in my visions

Lord I need light like I need the steps I’ve been taking

Lord I need rebirth like I need their smiles

Lord I need you like I need the hand in mine.

Lord I’m terrified of life more than I ‘never’ was of death.

IAM

We spend days and nights terrified of fear

We spend lifetimes caged in fear

Invested time spent on how to fight it instead of just being

We’re numb because we forget that the way to not be terrified is to realise that time spent in learning fear is it’s own practice of fear

Practice makes perfect
How can we be so blind to all the things we become due to the time spent in learning how not to become it

My eyes are wide open

I’m crazy yet in amongst damned blindness I see

I have gained insight beyond what I thought possible

I dive into emotions with so much drive so much will it feels like I’m in a different dimension

The people I used to look upto I see differently now as I’m not trying to be anything like

Iam being a higher me, a higher self of self

I see the world busy building towers

I’ve built a temple

I baptise my being in truth even the darkest parts that light is all I hunger for even subconsciously

I found the narrow path

I just begun a journey into the most glorious parts of myself, my life sometimes it’s as though what I was died and transcended into a being that is becoming

I stand in a world differently

Battles are different

But the heart is the same only with different eyes

Iam reborn

Doing what my will pushes me to

Following the path my soul was declared for.

I have changed, I have shed my skin

Each day each night I am someone I would never have thought to be

The greatest gift I ever am.

Being Still

In the world, seated at my corner

On my own little seat

Watching people move in and out

Once in a while a bird chirps outside my window

A pet someone else’s pops in and out purring for attention
Happens almost everyday of my life

Only today I’m detached from immersing myself into it

I feel and see waves I haven’t before

Thinking, Wondering on all that could possibly not be a part of me someday maybe sooner than I ever anticipated

I hear laughter, watching bodies react to all that’s around them like it’s all going to be with us forever

My skin feels the weight of those that love me

Those that are attached to me way more than I ever thought before

I feel their pain without really leaving my corner afraid to touch all that’s painted for me

Counting time like I authored it

But in all these I find there’s nothing more I could give

Nothing more I could take

Nothing more I could wish for

Other than all that’s already been given to me and received from me.

Glad still I watch as time slowly slips from me so I drown myself in today

The now watching as I may never be able in this same state ever again.

Desires

With rage I sought out a life

Filled with views

Mostly filled with honour

With whirlwinds leading up to a love so powerful it consumes anyone that dares touch it

The views seemed darker 

The love ,well the love had only in betweens

Couldn’t tell where to start where to end

And so it was consuming

Even in the emptiest of places
Circle journey because stopping in life is never a choice

Constant circles of searching

Truth like the adaptive skill

I craved like Pac probably did

And so I stopped running and looked upward

More inward 

And the breathing was like a gasp from from almost drowning

Now each time I want to run I drown then gasp

In The Name of Love

If I had to say something to you

 A younger you 

I’d say

I’m sorry I can’t reach you

That I can’t tell if you need me cause I can’t be there as much as I planned to

But I hope you know my love for you surpasses all the hurdles that separate us, I’m in control of me not the things outside me so with all that Iam in control of I’ve been loving you harder in my absence than I ever did in your presence, I can’t tell if I’ll make it back to you soon but I can promise you that when I can il be better for the future we’re building apart that we both hope is more beautiful than now

So if I miss a couple or several birthdays

Or your first ‘adventure’ or ‘milestone’

Remember I imagine it and celebrate it all with you

I’ve learnt alot about love by you

I’ve learnt alot about faith and forgiveness in your absence

Most of all I’ve been closer to God in these times when I can only write inspired thoughts from how much I miss you every day

Flaws did not separate us neither was the lack of love

All that is now is a test of just how great and precious you are that I need to learn the sovereign relevance of all that you are

I feel love about you in ways I never thought of or ever felt

It draws me closer to wisdom and it grows my spirituality

When you question your purpose ‘mami’ my sweet precious child I hope you know before you read it, not in pain but in laughter that the dream is finally true

As I’ve knelt more for your happiness than I have for my need of your presence.

Love you beyond eternity.

How we were born

I think sometimes I have personified visions of how I was born

Conceived in love brought forth in chaos

It’s in how I love

How I touch

More so in how indepth what I feel always is
The world seems to work differently

Separately from all my attached notions

My exterior seems more calmer than my soul is

My thoughts either overly scrutinized or not at all

My jumps cautious or danger filled

I thrive more in chaos than in calmness

Could be that most of my scars are purpose filled

Intentionally placed

My birth could be my awakening

To feel beyond what the world does

To love what’s set up like me

Dark but light filled